When I Dream Of You


Dear Ally,

I was exhausted yesterday and went to bed early, only to awake to tears flooding down my cheeks. I was dreaming of the day I said goodbye to you and you were relieved of your pain. I remember your face when they took you away after I sat there with you for a while. It was that of a sleeping dog who had no pain and was finally at peace.

That same image comes and goes in my mind, and every time, I break down and cry so hard. I knew you were no longer suffering, but it still burns my heart into ashes knowing that was the moment you were free of your pain, and I was in nothing but pain and turmoil for the rest of my life.

It gets easier Ally. Each and every day it gets easier but it doesn't hurt any less. I couldn't be selfish with you any longer and you couldn't hold on. I know dogs age quicker than humans, so I like to think you lived a long and truly happy life. It just hurts to know that it came down to cancer. Nothing but cancer.

Every day is a new day Ally. A new day I wake up, get ready, work as hard as I can to recover from surgery and accidents, try to rebuild, and learn to love all over again. I didn't think I'd want to pour so much love into another after you, but Little O is a god send, and he makes it his duty to brighten my days. After all, you did send him to me and this I truly believe.

This journey and adventure with you taught me a lot, Ally. It taught me that some people will doubt you. Some will talk behind your back. Others will stop talking to you. But most people who truly care for you, will support you through it all. It's not my job to make people believers or worry about what they have to say because they're going to say it anyway. All I have to do is embrace the adventure, feel the love, and live the journey. And we did Ally. We lived the journey through you, and will continue to because of you.

We love you Ally. To the moon and back. Always and forever.